the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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