i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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