I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
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