Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
