There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
