She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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