shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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