he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
