yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
