Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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