My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
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