toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Panties = found
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
