His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
They took my balls.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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