Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
