So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
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