If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
