i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
