Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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