Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I wear drunk well.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
