You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
well most of my day revolves around power hour
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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