i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Panties = found
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