I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
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