And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
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