why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Sorry my hands just texted you
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize
