I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
