Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
