i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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