Can Purell be used as lube?
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
