Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Randomize