that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Randomize
