I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
