I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
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