i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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