before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
He better not be in your backpack
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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