I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
