you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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