the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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