When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
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