Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
