Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
