Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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