Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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