My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
The maid of honor just puked.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
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