so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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