NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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