I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
