I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
