Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
