Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Randomize
