Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
