So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Randomize
