john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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