Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
