Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Randomize
