I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
