youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Please, let me fuck your mom
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
