Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
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