apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
