I murdered the dance floor call the cops
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
one might say we're banned from that church
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
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