Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
