Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
