i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
