Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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