I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Text me some of your sweat
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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