So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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