Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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