The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize