my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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