we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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