You made me cry and you don't even care
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Randomize
