his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
