we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Houston, we have a blender
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
