Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
i believe in u and ur pee
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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