I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
