Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Randomize
