Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Randomize
