Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Randomize
