I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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