thus making me awesome and them whores
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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