I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
