im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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