we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
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