Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Randomize
