dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize