just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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