i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
