theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize