I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Someone stole a lamp last night.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
