We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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