Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
