I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
