i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
