This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
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