I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
