i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
