and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
