I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
