I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
