Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
