Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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