I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
