you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
