This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
